Essay: You should have a funeral
My kid and his cousin playing at a funeral home I missed two funerals this winter. My uncle and godfather died, and so did his son, my first cousin, just days apart. I live several time zones away from most of my blood relatives; these weren’t the first funerals that I couldn’t attend. But these were different: I missed these funerals because they didn’t happen, per request of the deceased. A week later, my husband and I spoke with a member of his family who told us that they didn’t want a funeral. Why not? I asked. You all live so far away, and it’s expensive and you’ll have too many other things to do, this person said. Three people in two weeks who didn’t want a funeral. This felt curious to me. I attended dozens of funerals growing up in rural Midwest community, for both family and fellow church members. As a pastor, I’ve presided at a bunch more at churches and funeral homes, and led graveside services in cemeteries. I’ve led celebrations of life at the local university, the ci
